Tis the season............

To hide your feelings....... fa la la la laaaa la la la la!

Well the questions rolled, "when are you having kids" "what you dont want little josh's running round?" Blah blah blah.

Moods were at an all time low. It is so in your face x-mas. I was the ONLY female without kids....i hid it i think. I played with the kids, i was the best aunty" around, i was the desegnated driver so it was hard. I think the worst part was when my MIL (who was in conversation with a long term friend who she hadnt seen for ages) announced that she infact did have grandchildren and josh (who unfortunatly overheard) VERY quickly piped up and said, "yeah but not blood and never will be" MIL's face dropped and then she had to explain HER soft spot......Her son is dating a woman with 2 children and they will never be her real family.
Dont get me wrong, i think that there is nothing wrong with it, but its not ideal....but whos situation is????

So anyway, comments like that tear our heart apart. Especially josh who is in a really hard situation. His younger brother is playing families. I say playing cause he took no interest in doing santa things (i ended up building bikes in a hotel room with his GF), no interest in the kids opening prezzies, no interest in buying his GF a present (his mother bought them for him) and no interest in anything but booze and himself.........

So we suffered through 2 days of watching everyone cluck over GF's 2 kids and over the miricle of santa and how christmas is especially wonderful when you have kids......

But we are home, in our safe zone, and wont be doing that again for another 2 years....... Thank god for my family who are all childless!

Hoping for a better and easier 2010